Stop and start. Again.

I have always wondered why people all of a sudden stop writing. Especially the one’s who were such regulars, seemed passionate about what they were writing and also made blogging/writing seem very effortless. After a very slow (blogging) spell myself, I am nowhere close to the answer. Life happens seems to be the reason to hide under, but it also seems to be quite a simplistic one.  Anyway,  like I said I am nowhere close to the answer and having to write it all down doesn’t seem as important as it once did.  But what I do miss is having my mind occupied in thinking through what I wanted to write about (each of my trips and experiences) rather than spending every spare minute agonizingly analyze every aspect of my life. It was cathartic to say the least. Of course, there was also one point while ALL I was thinking was what I would say in my blog...  I first saw this comic at a fellow blogger who too has dropped off the blogging universe!

Courtesy:http://xkcd.com/77/

Its going to be terribly hard to get back on to this horse (a similar lack of motivation is afflicting me even in work writing), but I’ve recognized the need to start again. So here goes. Baby steps.

Where the mountains come alive...Everest base camp

I've been writing and re-writing this post over and over again, on paper and in my head, in a want to re-capture the moment into a perfect flow. Truth is, the moment was a whirl of emotions and thoughts all hitting me at the same time. So it is probably right that I leave this post loosely knit I suppose, as I work through it - more for myself more than anything else.

Everest base camp

Hope! It was this word on flag that caught my eye first on reaching the milestones wrapped in prayer flags and dedications that mark ‘you are here at the Everest base camp’. A simple message, yet such a powerful, and moving one and especially to find it here, in what feels like a remote, hostile, no-man's land. Isn't that what makes us all tick at the end of the day? the hope for a better day, hope for love and happiness, hope for money which we think could lead to happiness, hope for a better world even maybe, hope to be a better person, hopefully? It was a dedication to 2 climbers who lost their lives... not a message of glory or achievement or ambition or courage...just hope! It was beautiful and moving.

We had been seeing dramatic mountains all along the trip, since we left Namche at some 3000-odd metres; but somehow, just there, at that moment, they seemed even more dramatic, even more harsh, yet even more glorious and most of all, alive. Like a breathing presence you could feel. Like a force to give in to. Many of us make our pilgrimages, sometimes in search of something greater than us. And for me this place, that moment, these mountains have been the closest that has come to that. I felt insignificant, not in a bad way, but in way that throws larger perspective on some of the smaller trials of lives I suppose. Everything before this was worth it, to have simply gotten to this point.

I am not entirely sure why it was this charged or intense. I remember feeling exhausted and questioning my sanity when I got to the crater top of Kili. I had to get off the mountain to realise the joy of the climb. And here I was pondering on the philosophical and profound. Maybe it was the height catching up with me after all.

Around me, people were elated... everyone was taking turns with rocks to get photos with the base camp site in the backdrop, another memory to lock away for the future. There was that girl who I had seen struggling up, holding up messages on placards for her photos, probably to send to her family and friends. We had fared the altitude and had made it after 8 days of trekking through sun, rain, painful-freeze-us-to-the-bone winds, cold and even snow. Of course, there were those for who this was just the prelude. They would be spending the next 30-40 days here and in even higher altitudes and worser conditions as they attempted to summit Mt.Everest. Part of me was awe struck by them, but part of me doesn't fully understand. I thought of some of those whom we met on the trek - some traveling by themselves to explore these mountains, some 50-60 year olds I wouldn't have imagined in these parts if I had met them on the road on an ordinary day, but still with dreams and to-do lists. Some families with kids to share this experience together. I thought of my family, of life and very many random things which come back to you in the oddest of times I suppose. But it felt good. It felt damn good to have made it here.

Everest base camp

To the roof of Africa... Climbing Mt.Kilimanjaro

The view of Kibo peak, Mt Kilimanjaro from the clouds

‘It was excruciatingly spectacular’, she said. Her group had just ascended to the top – some made it, and some did not.

And EXCRUCIATING it was. Especially the last 100 or 200metres or so, when the goal post is in sight, so close, yet so far, and requiring you to squeeze every ounce of your will power. The challenge with the Kili is mostly on the night when you attempt the summit – depending on the route, you needed to climb at least 900m in altitude at a stretch to get to the top and none of the preceding days truly prepare you for it. The distance of 4Kms is one of the shortest distances on the trail, but ends up being the longest. You climb less than you think you have and there is more to go than you think should be. Physical endurance is key, but it is also very much a test of mental strength and will power to keep going. I recalled the girl saying, ‘you will think you can go no more, but push, and push. Crawl if you have to’.

When I got to the top, all I could think was, ‘the view is ok! but oh god, I still have a 2-3 hour descent in front of me’. Low oxygen and tiredness together can play havoc on your spirits. It was only a day later, when we were done with the whole trail, and seeing the outline of the Kilimanjaro against the evening sky, that it hit me – Yes, I had climbed the Kili!!! I had actually been to the top of that daunting, gigantic mountain!!! I couldn’t stop smiling silly for a long time.

The Kilimanjaro has 6 routes to get to the top of the mountain, which is a crater. Depending on the route, you will hit the top at Gilman’s point (5681m) or Stella’s point (5756m). Walking along the rim of the crater from these points, you can reach the highest point of Kilimajaro at Uhuru peak (5895m). Machame is considered one of the most scenic, but we had chosen Rongai as it is considered slightly easier.

Cold, runny-nosed (I was), and thoroughly exhausted, but we made it to Gilman’s at around 8AM in the morning. Getting all the way to Uhuru was a personal aspiration, but when I did get to the crater, I knew I wouldn’t be going forward. Just the thought of coming down alone seemed arduous and I just didn’t have the will to push myself. My friend A however, did plod on and made it to Uhuru.

Climbing Kili has been a fulfilling experience in a way I never expected it to be. Some times, when I need to push myself - may be for running the extra mile a day or even trying new interests, I find myself asking the question what’s the point of it all? (that is my excuse for laziness). WELL, may be the point is simply in the challenge and the thrill in accomplishing something beyond your existing abilities, rather than any larger than life revelation from the activity itself . I didn't set out on this trek as a way to challenge myself, but there was a satisfaction in pushing myself. And in all this, I’ve re-kindled some forgotten love and probably found new aspirations for the future too, and for that I am thankful!

A lot of people, after the trip ask you if will come back to climb the Kili again. It was hard to answer truthfully at that point (ha, ha I still was wondering what madness had possessed me to it), but I do hope I will sometime again, and may be this time will reach Uhuru too.

At Gilman's point
photo by Raven

Defying definition...

... somewhat like state of life at the moment. Love this line from Monalisa Smile. Not all who wander are aimless. Especially not those who seek truth beyond tradition, beyond definition, beyond the image.

Been obsessed with un-focused photos, the lack of definition adding a hint of mystery, I think. Singapore ablaze in night lights on the walk from work to home. Can you place them???

Bridge over the Singapore river, near Fullerton


From Boat Quay to Clark Quay


Clark Quay with bungee jumping on the right


View across Clark Quay



At the signal opposite to MICA

Sunset in Zanzibar

Walking back slowly from Stone town along the water front, navigating through the evening crowds, recording every moment of this last evening, her only aim being to get back to her hostel before it became too dark, what with all the hostel warnings about it not being too safe at nights.

And once again, she was struck by how much the scene in front of her felt like home – the sharp smell of the sea in the air, the waves rising high and splashing spray all over the pavement, families, friends and lovers sitting along the waterfront, in the park seats and under the trees, in conversation or just watching the sea, a bunch of young boys appearing to have some contest in jumping off the pavement into the water, vendors in the Forodhani market peddling food of every variety for the stomach willing to chance it...

As she waved through the crowds, watching the scene ahead of her, it suddenly struck her the time for the sunset wasn’t far away. Putting aside her fear of getting late, she raced to find a spot to catch the first one for the year.

There is something about being in a place so far removed from the regularity of everyday life, lost in the anonymity of the crowds, where you could suddenly be anyone, anything you wanted to be. The vacation was coming to an end, but the memories would stay. There was hope in the air, and a feeling that anything was possible… a sense of new beginnings. New year or not. ;)

Catching the sunset at Forodhani water front, Zanzibar

Stone Town